Parasite

They say you remember life from the happy pictures you make and keep. They also say that life is actually all that inbetween... the time from one happy snapshot to another.

There are times in life when you doubt the choices you made, times you wish you could take things back; things you did, things you said, things you chose. But after such times there come others when you finally find your peace with the past, you choose to live the future you made for yourself, you embrace the path that lies before you.

Still, it's not always an easy, smooth and short transition from one state of mind to the other. You often find yourself halfway there and then turning back, wondering, doubting... And, not rarely, you get caught up in the waiting phase. You accept, embrace, do everything it takes and then just wait... wait for it to finally hit you. You sit there doing nothing, waiting for the right moment, for that happy snapshot wich gets you one step further along your way.

It's times like these, when you just sit and think, that you realise the real wrong turns you've taken. You look at the route up to the present and see all the beautiful places you've missed by being who you have been.

The wait - time actually - is capable of the weirdest things; it can mess with your head in more than one way. It can be a great healer or it can be the worst killer, whether it's body or mind it works on.

I'm waiting. It gives me time to think, to analyse. I now see the things I wished for, and then the things I got among those, and - at the end - the things I really wanted from all those I wished for. Talk about missing out.

Sure you get a lot of stuff. And you enjoy most of it. But you start seeing the things wich are really important; things that pass right by you, that you might even have had and have given up.

There's the common saying "win some, lose some", and then there's physics to tell us that nothing is gained, nothing is lost, all is transformed. Fits the waiting game too. You start thinking about the right things but you don't really do anything. Sure, you eat, you breathe, you sleep but then, you don't really accomplish anything while you wait. You're just a parasite. You live off someone or something else until that moment when you actually start doing whatever it is you were waiting to do.

Damn it all to hell... seems like i'm falling back into doubt. Well, I can always get back to the waiting. That's the great - and at the same time, frightening - part of waiting... It will always be there for you to find and live, no matter what it is that has to happen.